Week 4, Day 2: I love me.

Okay, that sounded selfish. Actually, it was just me trying to remind myself that I actually do love me. I am trying to do that because I realize how often I don't like myself. I have thought about my relationship with myself off and on over the past couple months and I realize at times that it can be a little sad. The first time I realized it, I was at sushi with myself. It was a nice moment, but I found myself unhappy to be there alone and... a little embarrassed. Maybe others would be embarrassed as well, but I didn't think my embarrassment was good. Subconsciously, I tore myself down for being so pathetic. I realized sitting at that sushi bar how much I yearned to love myself. I have since gone hiking and done many other things on my own, but this relationship is still a little strained. Hah!

So since becoming a frequent blogger, I have also started reading other blogs faithfully. I love the blogging world! This morning, reading through new blog posts, I saw one from a blog called "Rules Girls" and the title of it was "Love Yourself". Isnt' that simple? The author talks about a boy not being able to love you unless you love yourself, and it's true. But even worse than not having a boy love me was to think about ME not loving me. Isn't it a horrible thought to think about not loving yourself? In thinking about it, though, I knew it was going to take a lot more than looking cuter or anything on the surface. I needed take some time and remember who and Whose I am.

I spent the day thinking about how I could do this. I loved the part in President Uchtdorf's talk called "Of Things That Matter Most" where he says:

"The fourth key relationship is with ourselves. It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential."

Love it. Chew on that.

Then this evening, I stopped at the temple after work, hoping to have a chance to remember. There was a humble brother there faithfully doing the Lord's work and there was just something special about him. Then I noticed his hands. They looked like this:

Painfully bent in what I think is arthritis. Almost instantly after I noticed his hands, the Spirit touched me and I think I felt a glimpse of the love that the Lord has for this man, even in his imperfection. Then an instant later, the thought occurred to me that just as the Lord loves this man with disease-worn hands, He also loves a stubborn and willful yet willing daughter who really tries to do her best. It's okay if I don't always (or often) get it right. He doesn't ask me to come to him in a perfect state. Because I am a perfectionist, I tend to think that I will only get love and approval if I am perfect. But if that were the case, we would never have need of an Atonement to make our weak parts strong.

To me, to us, He invites, "Come unto me". As we do so, He will "make weak things become strong unto [us]". Isn't that the good news of the gospel? The Lord loves us. His plan is for us to come to earth and learn and prove ourselves. Yes, it's part of the plan to make mistakes, but He doesn't love us any less... in fact, I think He loves us more because He sees our struggles and cheers us on... and He also sees what we become.

This was exactly the reminder I needed.