Week 3, Day 1: Epic fail

Today, I kind of feel like an epic failure. Maybe it's because I am just so tired. I said to my roommate last night that my bed told me when I climbed in it how much it misses me. I just haven't spent enough quality time with it lately. I think I hear it calling my name even now!

I guess another reason I feel like an epic failure is because I just feel that my heart has not been in a very good place today. I know I need to change and let Christ soften my heart, but I have been very frustrated with my roommate. It has been a build-up of things over the past few months, but then something happened yesterday that just rubbed me the wrong way, and I haven't been able to get my heart into the right place again. The worst part is that it wasn't anything she did, it was just something that involved her and resurfaced all of my feelings of anger, resentment, frustration and probably jealousy.

This is me and my cute roommate dressed up for Columbus Day. We are and have been such good friends. What's going on with me?!

Tonight, as I have sought long and hard for a change of heart, I opened an email from my mom and read the following quote from Elder Christofferson:

Consecration therefore means repentance. Stubbornness, rebellion, and rationalization must be abandoned, and in their place submission, a desire for correction, and acceptance of all the Lord may require.

Wow. I know I need to abandon these feelings. I went to the temple tonight in hopes of such abandonment, but I also know that I need to sort things out a bit before I can even understand what to let go of. These hard feelings have surprised me, and I need to work through them a bit more to remove them.

This morning, feeling the heavy weight of frustration and unkindness, I decided to listen to "The Love of God" by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. I have listened or read that talk often, but I knew in my heart that it was what I needed to hear today. This is the counsel the President Uchdorf had for me:

Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk.

Isn't that amazing? Love is the answer. I know that only Christ and His atoning power take away these hard feelings. I know that because of Christ's sacrifice, I cannot and will not, if I turn to Him, fail epically. I can be filled with his love.

I am just so grateful to know what I know. God is good!