Week 1, Day 5: Pride

Guess what! I have an announcement. At twenty-six years of age, I have finally learned what pride is. I have no idea how I missed it, but somehow I did. Last week, I was listening to the talk "Of Lions, and Dragons, and Turkish Delight" by one of my favorite institute teachers, S. Michael Wilcox, and he simply said something to the effect of: "Pride is not satisified merely with having something good. It is only satisfied with having something better than someone else." Wow. That seems simple enough.

I began to think about my life. In this same talk, Wilcox tells the story of when he asked his students to go through the week and write down all the times they felt pride during that week. They felt pride over having the better major, the better apartment complex, the better ward, the better talk in church, among other things. The interesting element of his experience is that the same week that the students were doing the experiment, Wilcox's uncle gave him a very expensive overcoat. He spent the week walking around thinking, "What an impressive coat this is. Look at all these others walking around in their 'London Fogs.' I am really glad I am so much better." When he realized his great challenge of pride, he immediately removed the coat and stored it at the back of the closet.

After I heard this, I realized that I have pride. It comes in this form (among other things):

I don't know why it is. For the first part, I love the gear. I love their jackets, their hats, their clothes, all of it. Then I really got thinking about why I love it. I realized as I thought about pride that the problem with the brand is that I wear it because I love how cool I feel in it. But not only do I feel cool, I feel COOLER than everyone else, and maybe on equal terms with my other North Face junkies. I have since wondered how to get over that feeling. Should I put all my gear in the back of my closet? It would be very admirable if I did that, but I honestly would not have winter clothes. I began to wonder how I could best rid myself of this pride and still stay warm in the winter.

Then today, I was listening to one of my very favorite talks called "The Atonement: All for All" (May 2004), and I realized one of the greatest dangers of pride. In the talk, Elder Bruce C. Hafen says:

"We need grace both to overcome sinful weeds and to grow divine flowers. We can do neither one fully by ourselves. But grace is not cheap. It is very expensive, even very dear. How much does this grace cost? Is it enough simply to believe in Christ? The man who found the pearl of great price gave 'all that he had' for it. If we desire 'all that [the] Father hath,' God asks all that we have. To qualify for such exquisite treasure, in whatever way is ours, we must give the way Christ gave—every drop He had: 'How exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.' Paul said, 'If so be that we suffer with him,' we are 'joint-heirs with Christ.' All of His heart, all of our hearts."

I realize that the danger of pride is the part of our hearts goes to something other than our God. It only makes sense that because Christ gave His all for us, we must give our all to Him. As I seek to remove pride and love my neighbor, Christ can change my heart.

This whole thing reminds me of a C. S. Lewis quote also given in a talk by Michael Wilcox. Lewis explains: "There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God will say 'Thy will be done.'"

All of this depends on my will. Christ's part is already complete. Now it's time for me to hold up my end of the bargain. The goal of this life is to align my life with Christ and to be able to fully say to Him, "Thy will be done" because it is truly what I desire. It causes me to think deeply about the other desires (like The North Face) that hinder me from giving my all. However, I don't think I am going to be able to overcome my pride and self-centeredness in one day. I imagine it will be a process of a lifetime. I'd better get started...